The Sex in the City-ization of the American Woman.

Spydrz and I were having a conversation on the traps and travails of the modern dating life and something was posited...that much of the trouble can be traced back to that awful show from the late 90's Sex in the City. Let me explain further:

1. The entire premise of the show, as I understand it, was to highlight the lives of 4 single women...in their late 30's/early 40's...living in New York...while trying to find love and romance. This insightful look into their lives usually led us into their bedrooms...and often. In fact, part of the supposed charm of the show was that it showed an honest portrayal of the modern woman...one that is empowered by her sexuality...rather than held captive by it. If I'm wrong about this, then I apologize, and feel free to correct me. Yet, for these purposes, I'm moving forward with this understanding.

2. The first thing wrong here is the idea that one can act without consequence. There is no more proven fact in life than that of consequential action. In the show, we see four women risque-ly and casually falling in and out of bed...and other places...with no physical or emotional consequences involved. Physically, we all know of the unintended consequences of promiscuity(here I would point you back to the statistic that 1/4 of all women between the ages of 14 and 59 have HPV.) Still, the emotional results of this kind of mentality and action are sometimes more devastating and controlling. Simply, people are fragile creatures that are made of complex psycho/physiological needs....and we seek the fulfillment of these needs in others who are equally fragile and complex. The idea that we can pack all kinds of experiential baggage just to have someone else try to help us unpack it during a long term relationship is both selfish and naive.

3. Here we also see nihilism supplanting service. Meaning, when one is young, he/she usually has all kinds of wide-eyed expectations for the modern romantic ideal. Yet, that romantic ideal has shifted from one of promise and optimism to a fatalistic resignation. In Blake's Songs of Innocence/Songs of Experience we see the result of time and life, and their residual effects, on an individual. It is inevitable that we change with time, but placing a fatalistic albatross around youthful romantic dreams is different...and I believe this show has had that effect. Many women and young women believe wrongfully that relational failure is requisite...and even admirable for finding 'herself'. This, of course is couched in the language of empowerment and liberation. Is it realistic to think that failure is a part of relationships and romance....absolutely. But there is a fine line between realism and a nihilistic and hedonistic application of that realistic understanding. Ultimately, the latter becomes self-defeating.

4. Penitent reflection is another thing to consider. One of the things that Sex in the City promises is that when one extricates herself from idealism and embraces sexual liberty, she is relieved of regret, as failure and disappointment are all a part of the process. Now, when consequences appear from past action, we as humans choose penitence, recalcitrance or ambivalence. I believe the penitent path, in relation to inter-personal and intimate relationships , is the only one here that allows for growth...both in self and in relationships. This show only offers the kind of superficial reflection...followed by the ambivalent shoulder shrug...that seduces one into thinking that growth has occurred. This not only fails the self...but also the one that you're in a relationship with. It fails everyone involved. We all are doomed to make mistakes...but penitent reflection gives us a chance for self expansion and relational understanding.

5. The simple fact is that the Paris Hiltons, Britney Spears', Tara Reids, and Lindsey Lohans of the world have bought into the ideas proffered by Sex in the City...and it has had an effect on women, in general, today. I know more than a few girls that have spent their time in overt promiscuity and sexual ambivalence and are now looking around wondering where all the good men are. It doesn't make them worse people necessarily...it's just sad. Simply put, girls can't act like intransigent prostitutes and ask to be treated like innocuous princesses.


* this post isn't written from any kind of personal thing or misogyny...just merely observation.



** anyone who might think me unfair for not having discussed the 'problem of the modern male'...that will come at a future date.