With 'March Madness' around the corner, I decided to have my own Tourney of 16 competitors....of beauty. That's right, folks....a tournament of beauty. Here are the rules:
1. I invite the initial entrees.
2. Everyone gets a vote for each match-up. The three scoring categories are as follows:
A. Innate Beauty.
B. Classy/Trashy. Classy is preferable, but if she is good at being trashy, consideration will be given, but an explanation will be needed.
C. "Other talents".
3. We crown the 2007 Sweet Sixteen of Love Champion. Here are the match-ups(in no order) :
1. Sophia Loren v. Jessica Alba
2. Halle Berry v. Meg Ryan
3. Grace Kelly v. Anjelina Jolie
4. Michelle Pfeiffer v. Audrey Hepburn
5. Raquel Welch v. Beyonce Knowles
6. Ingrid Bergman v. Salma Hayek
7. Brooke Burke v. Scarlett Johansson
8. Tia Carrera v. Tyra Banks
Round 2.
1. winners of 1/2
2. winners of 3/4
3. winners of 5/6
4. winners of 7/8
* results from the first round of action will be released on monday
13 comments:
Who was the seeding committee? Some of those matchups are pretty rough. Just like that other tournament. Can size or talent overcome experience and wiles? Anything can happen...in the Sweet 16!
Without hesitation I would take Audrey over the other 15. She is feminine perfection. All fake breasts and provacative dress is...decadent MAN!
Wait Wait Wait...Grace Kelly is amazing as well. She is a close second! anyone pictured after 1970 are...etc.
My Picks:
Round 1:
1: Sophia Loren-please...dont send a trampy girl to do a classy woman's job.
2.This one was close but after Meg Ryan's latest activity...Halle Berry
3:Not even close...Grace Kelly! Irish, beutiful, royalty...say no more!
4:Michelle never even got off the bus..AUDREY HEPBURN!
5:Raquel Welch...refused to do nude scenes and never was there a loin cloth happier!
6:Salma is a beauty, however she has a fatal flaw...DOGMA! Bergman is much classier besides. SCORE ONE FOR THE BLACK AND WHITE
7:For me this is the Boise State-Rice matchup that nobody cares about...uh...enie-minie etc....Brooke Burke through her towering stature
8:Tyra Banks...like Oprah but with an alligator brain...Tia Carrera
Inferus, I think all of these prodigies were chosen because of their authenticity (physically speaking).
Uh-oh, I think I just experienced a telescopical suspension of all that is ethical.
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I hate you for making me choose bewteen Meg Ryan and Halle Berry in FIRST ROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's wrong with you?
My picks to come.
My picks:
1. Sophia Loren over Jessica Alba - not even close.
2. Meg Ryan over Halle Berry - Once again this is more like a final 4 match up. The deciding factor was Meg’s association with “When Harry Met Sally” versus Halle’s association with “Catwoman”.
3. Grace Kelly over Angelina Jolie – This is the quintessential grace versus face battle. Jolie’s features, both above and below her neck, are inarguably stop-you-in-your-tracks beautiful, but they unfortunately are outweighed by the fact that she was married to Billy Bob Thornton and carried a vile of his blood around her neck for an extended period of time. Just call me shallow, I can’t get past it while Ms. Kelly at the worst carried a semblance of class and elegance.
4. Audrey Hepburn over Michelle Pfeiffer – Pfeiffer is great and probably could have advanced to the elite eight if she weren’t pitted against one of the most desirable women ever to have graced the earth. Hepburn is like the ’92 Duke team…Just too many weapons to not be a winner (just for you Herodotus [cue nelson: ha ha]).
5. Beyonce Knowles over Raquel Welch – Before I am tarred, feathered, and driven from this blog, allow me to explain. Normally, I wouldn’t even think about this one, but I chose Beyonce for two reasons:
a. In my opinion, there needs to be black representation in the elite eight. It’s not my own affirmative action, but rather, I feel there were some omitted from the contest altogether that should have made it. Also, I would’ve filled this slot with Ms. Berry if my brother had displayed a little more wisdom in the first round match-ups. Given these…
b. In the true nature of March Madness, there has to be a crazy upset somewhere, and given statement “a”, I chose for it to happen here.
6. Ingrid Bergman over Salma Hayek – This one was tough…seriously. I know Bergman is a heavy favorite here, but I’ve always had a soft spot for Ms. Hayek. Still, the class thing wins out…I know Ms. Bergman’s time was a different time, but the reality is, I’ve never seen Ingrid Bergman naked on screen, and I can’t say that for Ms. Hayek as wonderful as she is.
7. Scarlet Johansson over Brooke Burke – I hate you so much right now. How in the world do you have Berry vs. Ryan in the first round with these two in the field?!!!…Who did the seeding? This is absolutely absurd. Either of Berry or Ryan would have won out here…Did you do this just to make me pick Scarlet Johansson?...Onward, Johansson wins because she’s been in some pretty good movies and because of Burke’s association with the “E” channel.
8. Tia Carerra over Tyra Banks – I’ve never been a big Tyra Banks guy. Besides, Carerra is smokin’ and has little baggage that I know of. She could be the dark horse. She’s like the mid-major team that starts 3 seniors who can all shoot and play defense…If you’re not on your game, they will upset you.
All in all, this is a great post…I am however wondering if you actually did the selection and seeding or outsourced it to some 13 year old skater punk…O.k. I’m leaving it alone now.
cheers
"I said my friend John, Bridget Bardot, Anita Eckberg, Sophia Loren...country'll grow..."
again, i am loathe to respond to my own post, but circumstance necessitates exceptions at times. So:
testud- good observation. especially in light of v.i.'s comment. and you are right... anything can happen.
vox inferus- i appreciate your appreciation of the 'classic;, but don't let that inhibit the embracing of, hehe, some of the younger/lesser known competitors.
finally, dr.z...and his condescending/moralistic/socialistic rant. i have a couple of thoughts for you:
1. with all of your whining, you are the only one around here who might sound like a '13 year old skater punk'. and while i'm on the subject, i seriously doubt that the aforementioned 'skater punk' would have a list that includes the likes of bergman, hepburn, loren, pfeiffer, welch, ryan, etc...
2. since you went with the tournament 'upset', in keeping with the theme of that other tourney, let me suggest that you not complain about tough first round match-ups. it happens every year. it is an inherent part of the process.
3. your employment of affirmative action in your selection process makes me a little more than uneasy. you see, here dr. z., when given a distinct and definitive choice between two qualified applicants, chooses to make his decision based on tangential info(who didn't make it) that isn't germane to a simple choice. much like an employer, when interviewing job applicants decides in favor of one, not because of the merits of dual competition in a singular case, but on some other idea that he/she thinks 'should' be rather than 'is'.
4. the initial selection process was arbitrary, independent, and subjective. the seeding was random. ...and the only consideration i gave to who might be in was that of classic vs. new...the idea being that one should not only focus on one time period. this said, as there have been hundreds of women, over just the last fifty years, that could be on a list like this one, there are those who are missing. as my grandma used to say, 'tough titty'.
* also, i'm very disappointed to find that there are those that don't/can't recognize the absolute perfect physical beauty of brooke burke. any list without her on it is truncated and dishonest.
** one more thing...i should indicate that there are votes out there that will not necessarily show up here on the blog....this is due to a number of factors.
Herodotus –
1. All of my whining?...The fact that you lack the sense not to expect backlash from such a foolish pairing doesn’t warrant a dismissal of my voicing my displeasure as whining, and frankly, I’m a little disheartened at the fact that, at 33, your ego still can’t bare being questioned.
2. As for the “tough first round match up” thing. Tough first round match ups either occur between two mid-seeded teams of equal ability or they are a surprise as a lesser known, and supposedly lesser talented, team upsets a well-known, highly talented team. My point is that as it pertains to your three qualities (beauty, class, other talents), neither Berry nor Ryan hold an obvious advantage and neither women are “middle of the pack” especially given the field you’ve chosen. So, given that neither of these apply, I took issue with your thought, or lack thereof, in their seeding.
3. The fact that the “classics” are on this list only furthers my point as they SHOULD be on here, and though you’re right that a skater punk would not have chosen the admissible ones, my point was that I would prefer not to believe that a 30 something college grad. would choose the others.
4. I actually said that it was NOT my “personal affirmative action”. As in, I didn’t pass her because she is black. I merely mentioned that I though it important to have black representation as there are many, many beautiful black women not in the field, and the most qualified to advance fell prey to poor seeding. If you must know, my breakdown went as such:
a. Innate Beauty – tie.
b. Class – Welch
c. Other talents – Beyonce. Her voice is very good.
I had them tied at this point and figured this was the best place for an upset.
Anything else?
dr. z..and all:
fair enough. though, let's not devolve into hyperbolic verbosity, as we have a tournament to oversee. though, let it be said...i am proud...i am deluded, and, yes...i am almost 33. yet, i have never been, am not now, nor will I ever be....a 13 yr. old skater punk(or, to my knowledge, have i ever outsourced anything to one of that ilk). so, i leave with a quote:
“If you can't answer a man's arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.”
Elbert Hubbard quotes (American editor, publisher and writer, 1856-1915)
DECADENT!!!!! (in the tune of CIGARETTE!)
H'dus:
"The gol-dang Germans got nothin to do with it!"
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